triggers.
doing clinical shifts at the psych word. a man who rationalizes his abuse toward his filippino wife. someone he  "met" on this internet websites. moved to the phils with american money. his dollar went a long way. bought him a wife, a house, air conditioning. he was doing her a favor because he didnt try to get her deported even tho she wanted to leave him. she got mixed up in the wrong company. rationalizations. jesus. white supremacy. militarism. third world womyn. the dumping grounds of american military trauma. womyn are bought and sold. marriage is a contract. US visas is a reward. abuse is a bonus. children are an anchor. not being deported is a favor.

a friend tells me of his conversation with a pedophile. survivor of childhood abuse. perpetrator of childhood abuse. 14 year old boy whom this person thinks of as a girl. hidden secrets. shame. trauma reliving regenerating. the cycle doesnt end.

a friend calls me. they had been sexually assaulted. someone i know. this is the 4th one.

anger. rage. desire for resolution. trauma is painful and trauma strikes. people rationalize. trauma embodied and becoming human dehumanizes us.

then israeli attacks on gaza. collateral damage in the form of one year old toddlers, months old babies.

can't even go there.