betrayal II

when the naysayers come into my life they are like quicksand,
sucking me
into this whirlpool of hate, anger and doubt.

and in my moments of quick, instant rage, i respond
i fling myself into this self-negating, self-destructive nothingness,

letting their twisted betrayals
split open my flesh
instantly.

but if i throw myself into this churning hole,
of scalding anger and hate,

how then

can i ever laugh deep from my belly,
speak with light in my eyes,
lay in tenderness with my lover,
and feel the weight of my body
deliver truth to my words
with no fear

how can i
feel my breath reach down
to sit at the bottom of my heart
grounding me
to
all that is true,
is genuine,
is loving
about this life?

these naysayers,
those whom i once loved,
i cannot trade you life
for a moment of righteous rage.

you don't deserve it.

~
i need to let go,
for 2011.