Butterflies in my stomach

We have no choice but to organize, to respond, to fight back. I feel this. If I don't want to spend each day at work nearly crying, desperate and angry, then this is what we have to do.

I identified what it is that makes work so mentally exhausting. It is the extreme anger and sadness I feel knowing that they dont treat us like people, like humans. Of course, it is because of our color. And seeing and recognizing this everyday is very tiring. I am not yet numb to the assault and erosion of my dignity and humanity.

B., a East African woman worker told me that for apparently "refusing to comply" with the white woman who is our staffer, for allegedly being "rude" to the white lady, B. was suspended for 2 days.

2 fucking days. For knowing our job descriptions and not wanting to be bossed around like a dog. The white woman's words vs. the Black woman's words. I have heard this before.

Management is trying to increase our work ratio from 8 residents to 10 residents/CNA.
This is incredible. It is so fucking hard. The new Director of Nursing comes from a home that worked 1:10-12. Now she is trying to convince us that we will have an easier time. She wants to "try" the new system. FOS.

We are presenting a letter on Wed. I am so fucking nervous about it. I have organized for a long time now, but being at this new workplace, new industry, with new co-workers, new everything, and alone as a revolutionary militant without the crew I usually roll with, without any experience in workplace organizing myself, I am actually fucking nervous. I feel like the stakes are high -- we might get fired, or the changes might be instituted and there would be widespread demoralization, OR struggle (?).

I think what it is too, is that I will have to see the bosses everyday, even after the letter delivery. I can't NOT see them, and be bitches to them as I want to, cos I have to have some kind of communication w them about care for the residents. This is hard for me. I am much easier at giving the pissy face and F-you. But there is always a new experience for everything. A first time for everything, and this is my first time. It is hard mentally and emotionally, but this is why our struggle at work has so much at stake -- my mental, emotional and physical liberation and relaxation.

I do have to say that many of my coworkers are militant like hell -- I just hope this energy stays up and I feel really stressed out trying to think about  WHAT I can do to support the upswing of militancy.