sleepless night

1)

I can't sleep, so tonight
my fingers reached out to try to grasp
these frozen pictures of faded colors and etched faces
in the slideshow that plays silently, conspicuously, in the background
of my everyday mind

tonight, I hear those laughter, whispers, gasps, and
awkward silences,  abrupt coughs, mutters under breaths, drunken talk
of our young voices, gathered in shoddy dormitory spaces, living rooms, and cramped bedrooms

I recognize those sparkles in eyes, those smiling lips, those messy hair dos
those windy moments  
that weren't self conscious that they would years later, be valued images of their time

My heart aches for the past.
Nostalgia is
not because I want to return to it,
not because I want to freeze time

but because it is the pieces of me,
that so many people have helped to put together
into this one montage
still incomplete, still yearning, desiring
and sometimes fearing

2)

I feel a deep, quiet, joyous sense of freedom

It is like the warm ocean that swims
beneath the layers of icy waters

I have lived honestly,
in fear, desire, and love amid
the clutter

3)

i cant remember now.
:P